How to Irritate Your Cat, by substitute teacher Karen Pelto
Cats have many moods, and each one has a matching method to irritate it. Do not do too many of these in one day, particularly if the cat still has claws. There is a fine, yet very important, line between "irritating" the cat and "abusing" the cat. Think of yourself as the cat's little sibling, and treat it as such. Remember that, like an older sibling, the cat can and will beat you up.
1. Sleeping curled up on the couch
This is the perfect time to play "How many ___s can I stack on the cat before it wakes up?" which is a game wherein you see how many items of a specific type you can stack on the cat before it wakes up, moves, and knocks the stack over. Use whatever you have that is light, flat, and unbreakable, such as:
-leather coasters
-pennies or other coins
-socks
-frozen waffles
-couch pillows
-other cats
When the cat goes back to sleep, see if you can break your previous record.
2. Really focused on something out the window, crouching, tail twitching
Quietly walk up to the cat, and then suddenly put your hands on its back and say, well, it doesn't really matter what you say, as the cat will jump. There's something really gratifying about sneaking up on an animal with excellent hearing.
3. Sitting on your lap, just after it has gotten to sleep
Say, "Ring ring ring," pick up the cat, hold it to your ear, and say, "Hello?" into its stomach. (I have not personally tried this one but it's certain to be hilarious.)
4. Sleeping on the back of the couch on which you are sitting
Poke the cat and say "Hey, Cat". After you've done this enough times, the cat will wake up just enough to say "Mrow*" and then go back to sleep.
(*Mrow, in this case, means "Quit it".)
5. Sleeping all stretched out on the floor
This is, of course, time to throw cereal at the cat.
6. Awake
This one I call "Kitty Nose Violin".
Get a clean drinking straw. Show it to the cat, just above its head. When the cat lifts its head to sniff the straw, slide the straw across the cat's nose, singing the note "nee." When you get to the end of the straw, switch directions and sing "nerr." Repeat until something musical is played.
Some methods of irritating the cat can be done at any time. They include:
-bad Jerry Lewis impressions
-telling really long jokes and then forgetting the punchline
-drinking milk from the carton
-putting metal in the microwave
-calling it "Steve"
-unless its name is Steve, then calling it "Jim"
Thanks for the LLA! Karen, aka
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yanichka!Here's my addition:
How Colleen AF Venable Annoys a Cat--
Now my method is not for the faint of heart, nor for the overly busy individual, or those who fear rejection. It generally take two to four years for completion and many have lost the ability to use their right hand due to this method. In my belief the final result is TOTALLY worth the loss of a hand.
- Step 1: Find a Cat
Step 2: Follow that Cat around for an day or two
Step 3: Wait until that cat does something exciting like clean itself
Step 4: Scream excitedly and jump up and down "Wooooooo! Good job!" Hold out palm of a high-five for cat to recipricate.
Step 5: Don't you know that the time had arrrriiiiiived. HUHHHHH! (sorry slight out of body experience with a New Kid)...Step 5, wait for your high-five
Luckily my old roomie's spaz kitty liked to give high fives, sometimes with claws. "Up high! Down low! Too Slow! HA! Aaaah! My eyes! Stop Scratching my eyes! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
There's been a big debate lately as to whether or not we should start recording Fluff Radio in mono instead of the (extremely rare in podcasts) stereo we do now. I'm somewhat partial to mono (must be all the making out---boooh yah!...oh wait I'm making fun of myself...) but Annie digs the stereo we do now. I do like the fact it's original, but having each of us in a separate ear could get annoying.
What do you guys think?
Poll #603731 Fluff Radio, Right or Wrong In Your Ears
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All
Should Fluff Radio be recorded in Mono or Stereo?
View Answers
Stereo, just like it is already! (I like having Colleen in one ear and Annie in the other. I like to pretend we are sitting in a living room and they are whispering/cackling in my ear from either side of a love seat. Ah, memories)
6 (60.0%)
Mono, which would mean no more "colleen in one ear and annie in the other" which makes me want to fall down when one of them talks for too long 4 (40.0%)
Other exciting things:
I'm sure by now you've all figured out I'm quite obsessed with collaborations and now here's the chance for you, yes YOU!, to get involved.
I'm doing a comic in about a month with Furboa showing vacation photos and talking about them.
What I Want From YOU:
Mail your favorite random vacation photo (just one per person since I have a Brooklyn-sized living space) to me and I'll integrate a bunch of them into the comic! If I wind up getting more than I can fit I'll make a "vacation scrapbook" of all of the photos on the site.
What To Send:
-one photograph
-your name, location, and website if you want me to plug it
Where To Send:
Colleen AF Venable
Attn: Fluff in Brooklyn
105 E. 2nd Street
Brooklyn, NY 11218
Deadline:
The photos have gotta be in my hands by November 30 in order for me to maybe put um in the comic.
Woo! Collaboration!
I've been listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack all morning getting ready for the Fluff party on November 11th (8 pm at the address above...more details soooooon). When I listen to it I like to pretend Patrick Swayze is singing ALL the songs, including the ones with a man & a woman, doing half of it in Swayze-falsetto.
I can't wait to record our new updated version of She's Like the Wind (you can practice the lyrics and your chords HERE) I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out the saxophone/now-a-clarinet solo in the middle, but I'll get it OH YES I will.
Viva la Swayze and his Dance Dance!
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