Colleen AF Venable ([info]colleenaf) wrote,
2006-02-10 15:03:00
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THE GIRAFFE IS FOUND! (Stalking and Murdering of a Childhood Giraffe Project 1/3 done!)


1,712 reject giraffes, every day of my life for 3 years, 58 fellow "hunters"/friends, and FINALLY the giraffe I've been searching for the whole time, yes THE giraffe, has been found!




1,712 pictures of rejected giraffes captured and finally, FINALLY the giraffe I've been searching for three years is in my hands! I'm having trouble speaking today. I cried last night I was so happy. I have this weird feeling in my stomach all day today, knowing I'm not supposed to be looking for giraffes anymore, but unable to stop.

Three years! Three years and stage one of the "Stalking and Murdering of a Childhood Giraffe" project is finally done! The stalking is over....now it's time for the obsessive praising portion (part II) and the sloooow death (part III).





I was at our first writer's meeting for FELT UP TV, a new weekly puppet show I'm working as head writer on, when the waiter came over with a plate. "Did someone order a side of giraffe?" There on the plate was THE giraffe. I freaked out to say the least. Kept saying "who did this?! who did this?!" while the waiter looked on quite confused. Winds up Eric Skiff found a guy in the UK that had it. I couldn't believe it. It was truly TRULY the giraffe. It's exactly like I remember it. I just sat there in shock for the longest time...I went home and sat in shock some more...

I'm lost in the moment today, but now I have to start to think about the rest of the project...

1. I am now allowed to touch my baby again. I can't believe I haven't used her for this long. I'll be doing a whole series of large black and white photographs...which means for the very first time I get to use my darkroom in my new apartment! I have trouble explaining to people why I don't use it. "Oh I'm doing this project and I made all these rules for myself...no I won't break them....I'm not exactly sure why..."

2. Speaking of rules! I am now allowed to accept the gallery shows INCLUDING one I was invited to be a part of just last week. (Which will travel to Canada, Brazil, and Singapore.) Wooo!

3. I am now in the "Praising" portion where I will do a series of art projects of the giraffe to honor it, including a MASSIVE painting, woodcut, and cross-stitch...not to mention I plan to bring it everywhere with me and take pictures of us bonding.

4. During the "Praising" portion I have to get the tattoo of it. If money wasn't an issue I'd do this tonight! I'm debating whether to do the connect the dots (which forms a giraffe) tattoo or possibly have an actual tattoo of this particular giraffe on my back...hmmmm...

5. I have to keep the murdering part out of my mind during this stage, since I can't bear to think of it now! Though....just so I have an idea, does anyone have a large yard I could blow something up in? And does anyone know where I can get me some explosives?

6. If any of you have giraffes you've captured but not yet sent to be photographed (remember i have to take photographs WITH the photographs) you can mail them to me at 105 E. 2nd Street, Brooklyn, NY, 11218.

7. I'm too in shock to be witty or funny today. I've got the giraffe in my lap. I can't put it down. I feel incredibly weird, like there's a part of me missing. I am also so happy I won't get yelled at by store owners anymore! It was starting to take it's toll on my energy! I'll be sure to keep all of you updated and do one more GIRAFFE OF THE MONTH, only this time it'll be a GIRAFFE OF THE THREE YEARS and I'll have my top 10 of the 1,712 photographs.

8. Everyone who helped capture giraffes and who helped keep me convinvced I was doing something artistically worthwhile deserves a HUGE beer from me! I think I need to have a giraffe celebration night at a bar! Tonight is mr. [info]emodudley and mr. [info]chrispearce's birthdays (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TALENTED FELLAS!) but perhaps sometime soon. Dear lordie I need a drink!

9. I get to smile in pictures again! Wooo! I'm very very happy today.
Tags: stalking & murdering the giraffe

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[info]mckenzee

February 10 2006, 12:36:02 UTC 6 years ago

Whoa! Now I have to cheer while wiping away a tear.

[info]mckenzee

February 10 2006, 13:15:21 UTC 6 years ago

Oh yeah... I keep checking back to read the comments and wanted to say that you have a great smile.

I can probably get explosives, but I can't ship them to you. Black powder and model rocket engines are available for personal use.

[info]mckenzee

6 years ago

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[info]colleenaf

6 years ago

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[info]mckenzee

6 years ago

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[info]colleenaf

6 years ago

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[info]mckenzee

6 years ago

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[info]colleenaf

6 years ago

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[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 06:57:19 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks! I'm both excited and so exhausted that I want to take a nap for at least three more years before I start the next stage.

I originally wrote that last sentence as I want to take a "nape" which made me laugh quite hard.

[info]dollomite

February 10 2006, 12:51:32 UTC 6 years ago

Awww, this post made me so happy!! I'm a little bummed that it's over, but I'm so happy that I got to take part in it. And that's so freaking exciting about the gallery show!! Woohoo!

Things are looking up again!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 06:58:31 UTC 6 years ago

But there's so much more to do! My favorite step may be the first one, the giraffe trapped in the block of ice. I'm gonna have to do a lot of "scientific" tests with other objects before I attempt to freeze little....hmmmm....does the giraffe need a name? I never gave him a name!

[info]clevortrevor

February 10 2006, 13:04:56 UTC 6 years ago

o wow. my heart is racing - i really can't believe you found it! this next part is gonna be soooo great!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:01:25 UTC 6 years ago

I know I can't believe it either! These next stages are going to be sloooooow. I mean if I really want to do a cross-stich of every one those alone will take me six months each!

I'm debating whether to do each stage quickly and take lots of photographs and work from the photographs, or do the art in between each stage. I'm leaning towards the first way....hmmm....

eh, either way WOOOO! This weekend I'm just celebrating, not worrying yet!

[info]scottbateman

February 10 2006, 13:14:20 UTC 6 years ago

OMFG!!!! Congratulations!!!

[info]scottbateman

February 10 2006, 13:17:45 UTC 6 years ago

And I wanna be in a gallery show, too! :-)

[info]colleenaf

6 years ago

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[info]lordravage

February 10 2006, 13:30:02 UTC 6 years ago

And thy quest is complete.

*Bliss*

~Julian

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:05:36 UTC 6 years ago

Now the next journal must begin (*cue theme music*) as I must learn to part with my new foudn friend through the use of explosives...

[info]sketchartists

February 10 2006, 13:45:17 UTC 6 years ago

That waiter last night had no idea what was going on, but he played along quite well!

CONGRATS!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:07:06 UTC 6 years ago

Haha! Yeah, that waiter was pretty confused. I had actually annoyed him earlier I think by taking FOREVER to order something and asking too many questions. I was so surprised he joined in! He seemed like he was in a bad mood earlier, but maybe all it takes is a little giraffe to make moody turn to....well I guess "cooperative" would be the only word I can think of!

[info]pvenables

February 10 2006, 13:53:35 UTC 6 years ago

Wow! Congratulations! I can't believe how shocked I was to see that you had found it.

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:08:50 UTC 6 years ago

To say that I freaked out when I saw it was an understatement. Had I been at a different place with more people that knew about the project I would have overreacted even more. I was surrounded by strangers thoguh who didn't understand my shaking and screaming...which in a sense made it even more amusing an ending...or at least an ending to part I.

[info]stephenl

February 10 2006, 14:01:53 UTC 6 years ago

congratulations! I suggest you spend the remainder of your life resting on your laurels.

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:10:15 UTC 6 years ago

Unfortunately, I had to sell my laurels a long time ago to keep up with my expensive giraffe addiction.

[info]puppymeat

February 10 2006, 14:23:06 UTC 6 years ago



I love the top pic. You look so blissful!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:12:10 UTC 6 years ago

I love Conga Rats! They are my absolute favorite type of rat! Thanks so much. I was rather blissful in that picture. For some reason finding the real giraffe has made it easier for me to sleep!

I should really stop sleeping with the giraffe though....knowing me I'll drool all over it and destroy it accidentally before I get to the actual part I'm supposed to destroy it!

[info]aurra_sing

February 10 2006, 15:32:43 UTC 6 years ago

WOW (it's kerrin btw) congrats!!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:23:24 UTC 6 years ago

Yay, Kerrin! Hello!

Thanks for the congrats! I can't wait to set things on fire...or you know, just snuggle with a stuffed animal for a bit more.

[info]aurra_sing

6 years ago

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[info]herb_lehman

February 10 2006, 15:41:58 UTC 6 years ago

WOW! This is huge news!! Congrats Colleen!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:23:51 UTC 6 years ago

Now that I have less giraffes on the brain, maybe I'll be able to write more poetry! Wooo!

[info]thewakinglife

February 10 2006, 15:49:14 UTC 6 years ago

WOOT! Congrats! I can't wait to watch the progress of the next stage!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:24:17 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks so much! I promise I'll let you guys see all the random stages of destruction!

[info]niyabinghi

February 10 2006, 17:11:11 UTC 6 years ago

WooooHoooo! Congratulations and a big applause :D :D

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:24:58 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you thank you! I don't know if I have the energy to clap right now. For some reason finding it has sapped all my energy. I just want a nap!

[info]starshines

February 10 2006, 17:49:06 UTC 6 years ago

OH MY GOSH! I'm so excited for you. I got the tingles for you I'm so excited. :) Yay for you. :)

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:26:03 UTC 6 years ago

And to think you were there at the beginning! Thanks! I've STILL got the tingles...though it's hard for me to imagine going on to "part III." This thing is SO CUTE!

[info]xambush_bugx

February 10 2006, 18:50:43 UTC 6 years ago

amazing colleen. congratulations. you and your old pal look very happy together....now the question....when will he make an appearance in fluff??

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:27:33 UTC 6 years ago

Hmmmm I'm not sure if he'll make an appearance in Fluff, mostly because of his floppyness and lack of ability to hold his head off the floor. Also it'll be hard to start a character only to have him be set on fire and blown up with explosives...unless I make him the character that gets killed off, like falls down an elevator shaft and into a giant firey vat of explosives....hmmmmm....

[info]xambush_bugx

6 years ago

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[info]colleenaf

6 years ago

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[info]yanichka

February 10 2006, 21:18:43 UTC 6 years ago

I think I speak for everyone here when I say eee!

[info]colleenaf

February 11 2006, 07:28:02 UTC 6 years ago

And I must agree witht the eee and add another eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Woo! Thanks!

[info]mister_wolf

February 11 2006, 07:59:22 UTC 6 years ago

Horrray! =:D now kill it! Kill it before it gets away!

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:30:13 UTC 6 years ago

Hhaa! Thanks for the congrats over at SCB as well!

I've got him in my bag at all times to make sure he doesn't get away. Maybe I should get one of those child-leases they sell...

[info]mister_wolf

6 years ago

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[info]rufushonkeriv

February 11 2006, 08:32:13 UTC 6 years ago

I am shocked! This is wonderful!!!

But you know what this means.... the Steelers finally won the Super Bowl - You found your Giraffe - I think the Apocalypse is imminent.

Eeeek!

:D

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:30:49 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks!

If the apocalypse is coming, at least I'm gonna die with a big stupid smile on my face...which is always the way I'd assume I'd go.

[info]virtuallyverbal

February 12 2006, 09:13:07 UTC 6 years ago

you are completely insane, and it is really quite charming.

i can't tell you how much i look forward to the murderin' of yer beautiful baby.

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:34:41 UTC 6 years ago

I can't wait either! It's gonna take me a while to get to the final blowing up part, but I think you'll appreciate it emmensely.

My coworkers once gave me a magnet that said "Girl, 26, Charming but Insane." Insane and Charming actual go pretty hand-in-hand I think, or maybe I just personally find insane people charming.

[info]chris_moreno

February 13 2006, 05:31:31 UTC 6 years ago

Brilliant! Congratulations

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:35:01 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks Mr. THE! I couldn't be happier about it!

[info]partiallyclips

February 13 2006, 06:54:07 UTC 6 years ago

Great ending to a brilliant quest. Couldn't have been better if eagles came and flew you to Minas Tirith and you hopped around in a big bed full of hobbits.

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:36:28 UTC 6 years ago

Oh wait...did I say a FRIEND gave it to me. I totally meant to say that whole eagle/hobbit thing.


Poop.


ps. THANKS!

pps. Where does one buy a big bed full of hobbits?

ppps. Not that I'd want one...

pppps. *casually whistles and walks away*

[info]subliminal_tuna

February 13 2006, 18:21:30 UTC 6 years ago

OH MY GOD~!

Well, how exciting! I am anxiously anticipating the resulting arts/murdering.

[info]colleenaf

February 14 2006, 12:38:04 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks! I'm so incredibly excited about it, but also somewhat dreading killing it now. I don't go for cute but it's SO DAMN CUTE!




I seem unmotivated to do anything but think of giraffes today...that and stare at your icon. I think it's trying to tell me something.

[info]johnrotten9

April 21 2006, 10:33:55 UTC 6 years ago

WARNING

Colleen, I had no idea that was the giraffe you were searching for. I must give you this warning and I pray you take it seriously.

It was about 13 years ago when I ran into a man with black top hat, small in stature but big in smell. He told me of a "missing giraffe" from a young walden girls house. I told the man he smelt of brand X cola and a splash of scotch tape.

He continued on his tale that this giraffe left intentionally. It was because of the "Others". I asked what the hell his problem is and that he is standing too close to make me feel physically safe.

He went on with his beady red veined eyes to let me know that there will come a time that this giraffe will kill all who resemble him in an effort to make sure he was the last of his kind to perminantly torture the girl who "forgot about him". He informed me that the giraffes were scattered all across the United States and England and that interfering with giraffe business is well...well, it's no monkey business.

The Curse...

I told him that I think he kinda reminds me of gummy bear (Tummy) and he informed me of a curse to all those who harbor the remaining 4 giraffes of this type in the world. Your original Giraffe which renicknamed himself "The Giraffe" had gotten to 3 of these giraffes in the past 13 years. Publically humiliating their owners. You may be familiar with some of their names:
Monica Lewinsky
David Lee Roth
Barry Bonds

There was but one giraffe left in northern England...and the curse that it brings to its owners is undeniable. You must take this giraffe and destroy it immediately Colleen, you do not have time for step 2, and must move to step 3 I beg of you...

[info]tsudonimh

April 23 2006, 12:52:59 UTC 6 years ago

Wowie!

Happy Reunion!

Or, be careful of the giraffe?

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